Grief

Some people say it helps to write. It helps to get things ‘out’ and onto paper. It makes things hurt less and the helps to establish the reality of the situation. People say it reduces the pain of loss. Others suggest that distraction and having a good laugh can help reduce the hurt.

Does any of it work?

I would suggest to anyone that ‘getting it out’ is a technique that’s cathartic and used across many disciplines of counselling and coaching to help clear your thoughts. Surely storing things inside isn’t going to be good for you. But then I also believe in the power of a good shout, a rant, a blowing off steam. Not ‘at’ someone. That’s just hurtful. No, a good rant and punching of air, water or a large pillow/mattress type object is actually truly cathartic. Done in the privacy of a separate space, or in the waves at the oceans edge, or on a boat in the middle of a lake where no one will worry about noise, no one will call the emergency services and hopefully the wildlife will forgive you. A really good shout can help reduce stress and actually will, I believe, help you to feel better.
And what will writing do to help the process of ‘feeling better’? What will writing do to help reduce, address or combat the regret? It can’t. The person is gone. There will no longer be the ability to talk through issues or to address wrongs. No more time or space to put a point across or to apologise for something you said or did.

No option

No time

No opportunity to do it differently with that individual.
But I guess that’s it isn’t it? Perhaps part of the reason for grief is for us to take a look at things differently and do things differently moving forwards. Perhaps that is why we cry, why we worry, why we hurt….so that our bodies remember a pain and actually change our actions in the future?
Is that why writing stuff down is cathartic?
Is it because we can see it on paper / screen and start to make sense of it ?

Maybe these are ways that writing can help our grief:
• Expression of Emotions: Writing provides an outlet for expressing the complex and often overwhelming emotions associated with
grief. Putting thoughts and feelings into words can help make sense of them and provide a sense of relief.
• Self-Reflection: Through writing, we can engage in self-reflection, gaining insights into our own emotions and the grieving
process. This self-awareness can be a crucial step in the journey towards healing.
• Remembering and Honouring: Writing allows us to reminisce about the person we have lost, sharing memories and stories. This process
can be a way of honouring the deceased and keeping their memory alive.
• Structured Processing: Organizing thoughts on paper can provide a structured way to process the grief. Some people find that
creating a journal or letters to the departed helps them navigate the various stages of mourning.

I also know that laughter can be a powerful tool in coping with the pain of grief. Here’s some ways that laughter can help:
• Release of Endorphins: Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. These endorphins can
act as a natural painkiller and help improve one’s mood.
• Distraction and Relaxation: Engaging in activities that induce laughter can offer a temporary distraction from the intensity of
grief. It provides a break from the emotional weight and allows for moments of relaxation.
• Social Connection: Sharing laughter with others fosters social connection, which is important during times of grief. Being around
supportive friends or family members who can share light-hearted moments can provide a sense of community and comfort.
• Shift in Perspective: Laughter can offer a temporary shift in perspective, helping individuals see beyond the immediate pain. It
doesn’t diminish the seriousness of grief, but it provides moments of reprieve and a reminder that joy can coexist with sorrow.

It’s important to note that everyone grieves differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. It’s okay to explore different coping mechanisms and find what resonates best with you. Additionally, seeking professional support, such as counselling or therapy, can be beneficial in navigating the complexities of grief.