It’s an interesting question isn’t it? What do you ‘do’?

The question at dinner party introductions, uncomfortable first meetings with friends of friends or at potentially-challenging-but-could-end-up-quite-fun works functions.
But the question isn’t who are you, what’s your favourite thing to do, or even have you travelled far on this fair planet. We don’t open with those types of lovely enquiring possibly illuminating enquiry. Nope, most introductions seem to be followed by the familiar question…. what do you ‘do’. As if what you do in the day-to-day world somehow defines who you are.

And perhaps to some degree it does…for some people.

A Doctor might find that she feels her work is her calling; an artist might suggest that he has no choice but to paint; a gardener could find such solace in their work that it does in some way define them. But that’s not the case for all of us is it?
It’s definitely not the situation I have ever found myself in until I realised that what I ‘do’ is what makes me …well Me!
Let me explain.

I have done all sorts of work to cover the bills and travel the world. From dental nurse to landscape gardener; from pizza creator to real estate sales; from waitress to owning my own business. I have put myself in situations where I knew nothing but managed to blag my way through. There have been opportunities for me to create a level of ‘expertise’ from latent knowledge that I was able to release. I have ‘done’ many things. I have put on many hats and worn multiple costumes. But did any of them ever actually define me….I don’t think they did.

Instead, what I think defines me and what is clearly a thread running through all of these workplace experiences is my absolute need….and yes, I say need….to know more and to help more. I am a sponge, I soak up experiences and I dare myself to understand. Unwittingly I challenge myself to ‘get it’ and to put ‘it’ to good use. This has pitfalls! It’s not always easy but my desire to look at different things, experience different things and to explore pushes me on. And, the over-riding memory for me in all my places of employment has been what I have ‘done’ in each of those jobs is to endeavour to help people find their happy. It’s what makes me Me.
When I created pizzas I wanted get the right amount of toppings for the customer to think Ohhhh perfect. When I sold houses in the USA I listened to clients to try and fully understand their requisites for a home, then I would go and endeavour to find it for them. Whilst running my own business I was able to intuitively gauge what my guests needed from their stay. For some, that was peace, quiet & relative anonymity. For others the experience was an engaging chatty view of the life of a landlady and a sharing of life stories.
It was about listening and learning and discovering.
It is ONLY by listening…properly listening…. that we get to understand people. It is not the words that are often the most important part of the conversation. It is the silence between the words. The unspoken thoughts which often hold the key to someone’s happiness. Listening and challenging have been the mainstay of my ‘working’ life. It has given me a chance to truly hear folk.

All through my life I have coached. It has taken on different guises. As a hotel manager I needed empathy to help get the best from my crew. To travel the globe and enjoy heaps of working opportunities I was required to listen to what the potential employer wanted and then create myself a niche in their world. In sales it is obligatory to truly listen to the client’s needs in order to sell them what they require. As a B&B owner my crew were the backbone of my business and to not hear their concerns and challenges would have been my downfall.
Along my journey I have trained, qualified and workshopped. I have attended counselling courses, gone on retreats to gain a better understanding of myself and been through rigorous events seminars….
And that is what has bought me to what I ‘do’ now. I help people find their brand of happy. I look and listen and help and cajole and motivate and question. I help them to look inside themselves for answers and to act with confidence.
Helping people discover their inner confidence, (which, by the way, we all have but it might have been hidden for a while) brings me so much joy. When I see the lightbulb moment or watch a person enter a room with confidence instead of trepidation it fills me with happiness that they have found theirs.
What do you DO…. doesn’t that block us into a small box….

How would it be if we started our conversations in a different way. What’s your favourite sandwich, have you been to Peru, do you know much about geraniums?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that it is a social norm, in many Western countries, and I get that it’s an easy starting place for conversation but I wonder how it would be if it wasn’t the first question.